The Ski Journal • Volume 13, Issue 2 • INCREDIBLY UNSERIOUS

It’s 7:30 a.m. and a brown-bagged bottle of premixed margarita is shoved into my hand by Luke Jacobson. He loves that Kirkland premixed. I take a swig. Our friend Fred is adjusting his very large, fake manhood in a gold and mighty tight ladies one-piece bodysuit. He borrowed it from Sherry McConkey, and he’s rocking it a little too well. He’s just one of a sea of costumed, retro’d, enthusiastic ski-bladers. Yes, bladers—99cm bladers to be exact.

There are bladers as far as the eye can see in the low-lit bottom floor of the Olympic House in Squaw Valley, CA in late March. The Wild Flour Bakery is calling out breakfast orders for the friendly Bay Area families booting up for the day, but we’re not here for the bagels or cookies.

“Let’s just remember the rules, guys,” I overhear a competitor saying. “And there’s only one. And that one rule is, there are no rules.”

This is the Pain McShlonkey Classic damnit, the greatest ski competition known to man honoring the greatest man known to skiing, Shane McConkey. We won’t settle for anything but the most debaucherous, heavy-handed insanity, rip-the-shit-outta-this-mountain contest on this day. This day is the most important day of the year.

OK, maybe I’m biased. I am, after all, one of the many who grew up admiring Shane. Heck, I even met the love of my life at a previous PMS, as it’s known. There was just something about that man, Max, in tight pants with 99cm under his feet. But I digress. This event needs to be in skiing. Hands down.

When else are you gonna witness 100 bladers Chinese downhilling KT 22? Where else does your love of skiing and partying support a nonprofit, the Shane McConkey Foundation, that raises about $400,000 annually to save our planet? What about an event that encourages you to embrace your weird, to not take yourself too seriously? Those are some of the greatest lessons Shane taught us. It’s only here. It’s only this day, this place, these people where we get to live as if no one is too cool and nothing is taken that seriously.

It’s how skiing once was and where we really need it to be. To be fun. To be incredibly unserious. A decade has passed since Saucer Boy last graced our paths but, once a year, it’s as if he’s still here, and we can thank the PMS for that. I encourage you to join in the fun if it ever happens again. Rumor has it the 2019 event was the last of its kind. But I don’t believe it.

Photo Caption: “Winning the coveted Golden Saucer is no easy feat at the PMS. On top of skiing down KT-22 on blades, Squaw Valley [CA] received 10 inches of new snow overnight. Mix that with turning a corner at the bottom and running a mandatory uphill sprint to the finish and you’ve got yourself a fierce competition. Michelle Parker was up to the challenge.”

The Ski Journal - Volume 13, Issue 2

INCREDIBLY UNSERIOUS

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